I’ve never really wanted to have children, but I have remained open to the possibility of having a baby because my husband would like to. I am 32 years old and I have reached the point where I feel like it’s now or never. However, I also think that we are not financially or emotionally ready to start a family. While I am not sure I even want a baby, and I have fears that I wouldn’t love a child, I am also afraid that I might have regrets later on if I choose not to. My husband thinks that we should just have a baby now and that things will work themselves out, but I’m not so confident. Can you give me any advice?
Dear J –
You may not believe me, but no one is ever ready to have children. I don’t care if you have all the money in the world and in the bank, have talked to a million parents and have read every book ever written on starting your family. You’re still not ready because it’s one of those things you have to experience before you have a clue. But those clues come quick and you will figure it out together. BILLIONS of people have done this before you and only a small percentage raised serial killers! The odds are on your side.
So your partner is mostly right – jump in and it will all work out. That said, you should have some basics in place. You should love your partner and plan to give this child as good of a home as possible. You should have a few bucks in your budget to cover diapers and what not. You should get a few therapy sessions in to discuss your fears about “loving a child” and why that is a concern.
It’s a leap of faith, I get it. It’s easier to do when you are younger cause you are dumber and have more energy. Now you have too much experience and scary stories to think about, to just go in blindly. Follow your gut and your heart and get your concerns resolved with a neutral 3rd person before they trip you up too much. The wisdom of what you should do about becoming a mother or not, is within you. You can figure it out. I promise.
Best of luck to you both.